fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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