Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
