Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
