Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I supernannyed him into submission
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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