these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
