Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
