: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
