Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
