found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Are we still banned from the library?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
