god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
