turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
