Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
