Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
