i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
