if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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The beer is more important than you right now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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