And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
