best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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