"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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