Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
