I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
