I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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