mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
