Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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