my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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