we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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