You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
