Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
