Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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