God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
