Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
