this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
