she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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