friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
