i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
