My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
