high people should be assigned attendants
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
they're like a gay fantastic four
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
