O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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