She is in my trunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
