I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
