I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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