wrigley field is MILF paradise
she looked like the before picture.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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