No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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