look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
