I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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