At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
