I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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