You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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