There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
love makes seman taste better
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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