I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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