Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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