You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
