Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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