I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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