We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
please don't ironically join a cult
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