dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating