Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
