Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips