I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
