Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.