Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.