lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
