Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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