I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
