how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
