i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
