AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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