She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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