And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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